Looking through the 'The end'.

And it ended just to start another better thing.. 

There were papers scattered on the floor.. Papers with hearts made on them and things written in pretty handwriting , a tear soaked pillow and a messed up girl watching cluelessly at the ceiling laying diagonally from one end to other on the bed. She checked her clock, it was 4 a.m. It was the third night that she had not slept and her eyes weren't even a wee bit sleepy or probably she had gotten used to it.

She gets up to wash her face and as the splash of water hit her face she heard her phone ringing. Unlike earlier days, she wasn't really interested in checking who it was. It was like she knew who the caller would be. The call dropped. She went and checked her phone just to see that she was correct. It was the same guy who had called a three days ago and everyday since then. It was the guy she had dreamt her future with. It was the that ruined her sleep, faith in love and in a way, her life too. She didn't call back. She didn't fall weak. She got up and got dressed for college.

She had already missed two days and she could not afford to bunk more. But the thought of college got her goosebumps. She was tensed about tye questions that would be raised at her swollen eyes and she didn't want to explain people what had happened.

As she entered college, she was greeted by a friend. A guy who had greeted her everyday till today but never had she noticed him. That guy had been her friend and been there whenever she needed help or just a person to talk to but she hardly noticed him because her sight was blurred by the feeling of love for that guy she thought was perfect for her. But you cannot blame her either. What would you blame her for? For being loyal to the person she loved, is it? No, right?

That guy also had always had the soft spot for her. But knowing that she was in a relationship, he never tried to intervene. It's strange how lack of conversation keeps so many things in the dark. This is probably one of the demerits of the social networking era.

That day went by for her. She hardly paid any attention in the lectures and hardly spoke a word to anyone. People tried to talk to her but she drove them all away. That guy didn't try to talk because he knew something bad had happened.

They got back home and he pinged her on Facebook, yes facebook because that's where people open up more than while talking face to face. He asked if anything was wrong. She told him everything. He consoles her saying that it is just a fight and that he will come back to her pretty soon and all will be fine. She replied with a 'hmm' but she had made up her mind to not get back with the person who left her with nothing.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and after several months she started started living again. She had kept all that happened behind. Kept the letters and gifts in a bag where no one could find. She had started going out with friends and partying again. That guy from her class had become a closer friend and life seemed to be good again.

Graduation night party. Everyone was in a mood to have fun and in the joyous ambiance, that guy had one drink too many and confessed her feelings to her. A few minutes later he passed out at the party so she didn't take it seriously but somewhere down her heart she was reminded of everything. Everything that happened two years ago, things that took her so long and so many tears to forget. She searched for that bag and her went through all the letters, the gifts and the souvenirs of the broken relationship. She cried that night. Next day when the guy got past his hangover and was told what he had done, he was scared if that would spoil their friendship. He rushed to her place to apologize.

He knocks on the door, totally determined to tell her that he didn't love her and that it was the alcohol talking. She opens the door after a second knock, all messed up with tears running down her cheeks with the mascara from last night. As he saw her standing infront of him he could not utter the words he had been thinking in his mind till then. In fact he could not utter anything. He stared at her for quite some time and tried to speak but stammered while doing so. He gave up trying and hugged her. Both burst into tears but none said a word. After a few moments in that position, he let go of her. He looked into her eyes, wiped her tears and told her what he actually felt.

She was petrified as hell. She didn't have the guts to go through what she had been one more time but at the same time, she also had developed feelings for the guy. She tried to convince herself that not guys are the same and not all relationships end in the same way. She just nodded to him and they hugged again.

Today, when the guy wakes up, he kisses her and leaves the bed to make coffee for both of them. She gets the kids ready and they leave for work together. Till today she has those letters saved to remind her about all the wrong decisions she took in her life that finally lead to the best decision she could make. 

When expectations go haywire.

When expectations go haywire

When we all were trying to gather up enough courage to stand up and walk, we were sent to school. We were told it was to be our second home. And for many toddlers it was so. The primary teachers, the poems, the children saying poems in chorus are few things that relates to everyone’s childhood.

Now we are fourteen years past the alphabets classes and now we actually realise why we were taught those alphabets. Letters turned to words, words to sentences and sentences to paragraphs. That is how we got to know what books were. After about 18 years of life we never how each book we read was to one day shape our future.

In every subsequent year, when we went in a new class, new school or just a section change, we did not know what to expect. But as life moved on that year we made friends, enjoyed classes and studied quite a bit too. But one thing that was common for all these years was that life would be almost the same as it were the previous year. Year starts, mid terms, pre-boards and finally the annual exams with quite a bit of competitive exams in the meanwhile.

Today we stand at a point in our lives where we are planning to settle down. The decisions we will take now can hardly be changed and will influence every second of our future. Some of us have already got into colleges they wished to get into while many others are still struggling to decide what they want to do. The future is not clear for any one of us. Even though people seem to be quite sure of what they want to do but when they are asked about their lives a year ahead, they stammer in their replies. But it is obviously better than the replies or rather answers one used to read in the essays when we were young, essays on “The aim of my life”.

The aim of our lives then was not exactly what we wanted to be, it was what our parents wanted to make out of us and sometimes what the essayist of a locally available book wanted to be. But now we write our own essays! :D

From wanting to be doctors, policemen, engineers to help people, the focus has shifted to making money in whatever way possible. This is not a fair world after all. But a few determined ones still go for what they feel good in doing be it successful or not. Life is all about taking chances. :)

But for doing whatever we want we have to go to some college or the other. That is when the battle starts which shall continue for most part of our lives ahead. In the new college we would not only find the seniors to be strangers like in school, but also most of the students around us will be strangers. Thousand new faces with a thousand new stories. That is when our expectations would fail. That is when our expectations would go haywire. Backing out will never be an option. We need to hold ourselves up and face all the challenges that come our way. And hence I would like to wish all my friends a best of luck and life. Take time to decide, enjoy every moment, make friends but remember to hold on to the old ones because a tree with weak roots cannot grow new leaves. Most importantly, learn to forgive and forget.

Lastly remember this quote that I read somewhere.. “When life gives you lemons, learn to make lemonade”. :)

Cheers mates !:))